Learning to love Mother's day

So I've hated Mother's Day ever since the loss of my third child. I felt that it wasn't for someone like me. I wasn't good enough to be celebrated for a job that I was supposed to do. I turned away celebrations, text messages, phone calls every Mother's day for the last three years. I'd only post a picture of my kids, and visit my mother. That was all.

As my kids are older and now in school, they have a better understanding of these holidays. For the last week, my kids have been doing so much talking about this great Mother's day event. They tell me to cover my ears while they discuss what gift, besides a hug and kiss and good behavior they are going to give me. I sit quietly and listen, and try to tell them that it is not a big deal.

Just yesterday my daugther came home with a picture that she drew for me at school, for Mother's day. The photo said " I love it when you..... and she finished it off with "cook eggs and bacon".

When I got home from work , she was waiting on the porch with a small gift, wrapped up in pink paper, a drawing she colored, and this picture. She and my son both screaming happily, "happy mother's day mami!" I didn't know what to do with myself. When I saw the gifts, it changed everything.

I realized that it is unfair to them to not be able to celebrate their mom. They deserve to have fun, and to enjoy the process of buying me a little gift or drawing a pretty picture on a special day like that. All of their friends celebrate that special mom/person in their life and I can't ruin it because of my own personal struggle.

How I love my kids, and how they make me better. I can't put into words. The child I lost lives in my heart- and someday I'll get to see that face.

Happy Mother's day to all.